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I am so much more than I was then, but I still have a long way to go to become the person that I want to be.

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The biggest mistake of my life is one that I keep making over and over again.I give up on something important to me supposedly for the better, without really even trying to fight for it. I gave myself a second at the first thing I lot for myself, and I know I’ll never get another shot at the other two. And I don’t think I want it, it wouldn’t be the same or better. But I gave myself a second shot that I will never let anyone take away from me. I will show myself and everyone around me that lost faith in me that I am so much more than I once was.

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Truth is, I don’t want any of my old friends to see me again. Not until I become a better person, someone better than the me I was when they knew me. Otherwise, what would have been the point of isolating myself from them to not drag them down with me?

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Talking with my heart isn’t easy, it tries to hide from me the things that it feels I’ll ignore. The things I don’t want to feel, but I know now what it is that i really don’t want to feel and that’s feeling angry and alone. There’s so much I’ve held back without even trying to and seeing the outcome. I’m not like that anymore, and it’s time to let my heart know that as well.

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I haven’t posted in a while but I have a lot to say. I see how holding it all in is always worse than talking about how you are feeling. I’m learning to never leave words unsaid.

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